mayhap: Tezuka looks disappointed (eyes closed)
Mariners getting OF Jarrod Dyson for RHP Nathan Karns

I fucking hate this trade. It doesn't make emotional sense or baseball sense. It does cut payroll, though, which is the only thing David Glass cares about this offseason, apparently. I mean, sure, you're replacing a guy who was insanely affordable for his production with a giant box of question marks, but at least they're cheap question marks! Piece by piece we're replacing our team identity with pieces of castoff trash. It's a good thing David Glass can't actually sell the 2015 championship or I'm sure that would be gone too.
mayhap: Alex Gordon wearing his glove on top of his head (glovehat)
What I've been reading

I read Whatever Life Throws at You, a young adult/new adult romance novel (I'm not entirely sure what the difference is, which I believe makes me an old adult) about how the daughter of the Kansas City Royals' new pitching coach falls in love with their new hotshot rookie pitcher. My expectations were low; I was mostly curious and expecting to be mildly entertained by how it depicted, or more likely failed to depict, the town where I live. It delivered roughly what I expected, occasional moments of semi-accuracy amidst a lot of blandness.

What transfixed me, though, was the author's complete and utter lack of understanding of how a major league pitching staff functions. I suffered through all the boring, poorly-written romance bits just to see what insane pitching changes they were going to make next. At one point, the hotshot rookie pitcher/love interest pitched at least three innings every day for four days in a row. They appear to use starting pitchers in relief constantly, but I think this is just a misunderstanding about what the terms "ace" and "number five pitcher" actually mean, because elsewhere there is a reference to a "number five mid-relief pitcher, which is…not a thing.

Then there's this gem from the deciding game of the ALCS against the Yankees:
The other starter was coming off four days in a row of pitching and Brody was fresher and more ready, so his name got pulled from the roster.

That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

I think my favorite part, though, is where Brody is throwing a perfect game in the World Series—because of course he is—and he's already been named Rookie of the Year—because of course he has, even though that doesn't even happen until the World Series is over—and apparently he's been relying either entirely or almost entirely on a mid-nineties fastball, with his slider and curveball being described as "newer pitches" that he's still "trying." What? No. No way has he even been starting without commanding, at a bare minimum, two pitches that he can mix effectively, much less is throwing a perfect game, much less is he throwing a perfect game in the World Series. Especially since his arm fell off from overuse months ago.
mayhap: Mike and Psmith walking and chatting (Mike/Psmith)
I'm a longtime fan of The Bugle, John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman's weekly news comedy podcast. I've seriously considered trying to nominate it for Yuletide, but I wasn't sure if anyone would be willing to write it for me, especially as I was having difficulty framing a request more coherent than "please write me anything whatsoever having to do with The Bugle". Maybe this year will be the year.

John Oliver's Infinitely Recursive Fanfiction Adventure (1580 words) by SailorPtah
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Fake News RPF
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: John Oliver, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon
Additional Tags: Metafiction, Characters Reading Fanfic
Summary:

Based on a true story.

(The real-world John Oliver is advised to avoid reading this one, lest he rip a hole in the space-time continuum.)

John Oliver discovered Daily Show slash fiction and is outraged…that he isn't getting any in any of these stories. So of course someone wrote a story about that. It is awesome.


david cameron would look good in a pith helmet (what worse can you say about someone than that?) (4022 words) by therestisdetail [archive-locked]
Chapters: 3/3
Fandom: Fake News RPF
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: John Oliver/Andy Zaltzman, John Oliver/Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert/Jon Stewart
Characters: John Oliver, John Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Aasif Mandvi, Demetri Martin, Samantha Bee, Jason Jones, Rob Riggle, Andy Zaltzman, Chris Addison
Summary:

This is an ode to how much I love Liz. Featuring a large amount of John Oliver, various FakeNews alumni, and Zaltor the Merciless. I mean Andy. I mean whut?

"Tell me the story of when Andy and John tried once and once only to go on a Proper Real Not-Kidding Date, and the chaos and hilarity that ensued." - Appleteeth

This is more like three ficlets, and the first and third are John/Andy. Surprisingly adorable.

I'll…try to read something slightly less niche before next Friday, I promise.
mayhap: coffee stain with text brown ring of quality (brown ring of quality)
Well before I actually started reading Western superhero comics, I could easily get sucked into reading about Western superhero comics for hours, provided that the writer in question is hilarious. I mean, I enjoy reading hilarious things about a variety of topics, but I find that this is easily one of my favorites.

The 40 Worst Rob Liefeld Drawings cheers me up so consistently that I have large chunks of it memorized and I have seriously considered trying to nominate it for Yuletide somehow. I followed all three parts of the demented saga of the goddamn Batman (which is to say, Frank Miller's All-Star Batman and Robin) with bated breath. And the whole reason I started this post is so that I could link to this review of the New 52 Red Lanterns because every once in a while I remember it and start giggling again:

What I like about Red Lanterns is that the book does a great job of getting to the heart of why the current Green Lantern status quo is so gosh-darned silly. This is a book ostensibly about a group of aliens who have magic wishing rings empowered by anger and hatred, a group of badass monsters who want to deliver bloody justice to murderers and tyrants across the universe. In reality, the book is really about a dozen people sitting around this barren planet and yelling at each other about how angry they are, in between taking deep swims in an ocean of magic blood (not a metaphor for puberty, there is a literal ocean of magic blood) to clear their heads.

Sorry, I feel another gigglefit coming on…
mayhap: Mizuki stomps with rage (Mizuki sulks)
I happened to wind up at the gym at the exact time to catch the last twenty-five minutes of the Firefly episode "Trash" on the Science channel (which, apparently, shows science fiction, which I suppose is logical, since the SciFi/SyFy/Syphilis channel shows "reality" shows about ghosts). This made me happy, because the last twenty-five minutes of Trash contains my single favorite scene in the entire show, and then made me sad, because it reminded me that virtually nobody ships Simon/Jayne, and worse still, the vanishingly few people who do ship it incorrectly.1

I mean, I can readily see why it's a niche pairing. People might prefer Simon and Jayne in canon pairings, such as Simon/Kaylee, Simon/River, Jayne/Vera, or Jayne/his bunk.2 I can also see why there is virtually no toppy!Simon, because pretty much every main character, reoccurring character, or extra on the show would top4 Simon in their actual or theoretical relationship. I'm not 100% certain that Simon could top a Tupperware container.

Except. Except. He completely dominates Jayne in the scene in the infirmary at the end of Trash. Comprehensively. Effortlessly. There is no way in which Simon is not in control, from his physically paralyzing Jayne so they can have this little chat to his utterly calm assertion that no matter what Jayne does, Simon will never ever harm him, that he will be trusting Jayne and that Jayne should do likewise. I find this utterly, scorchingly hot.

And yet no one ever writes them like that. Or if they have, I have yet to find it. This makes me sad like the end of Serenity.5


1Which they are entitled to do! I mean, they're completely wrong. But if they enjoy being wrong, they should feel free to do so.

2Yeah, I don't really ship Jayne with. You know. People.3

3This pairing being something of an exception, obviously.

4Here used in a very loose sense to indicate a whole range of behavior ranging from mild sexual assertiveness to formalized D/s regardless of sexual positions employed, if any.

5Yeah, I know, I should write it myself. But I'm really, really lazy!
mayhap: Fall Out Boy as Max and the wild things (wild things)
Upon returning to our apartment, Stan and I were greeted by a suspiciously damp and gently decomposing mouse. Despite careful cross-examination, the cats are revealing nothing. (I scooped it up and took it out to the dumpster, because Stan was too busy standing screaming on tables like women in early Sixties sitcoms.) This was not particularly awesome.

However, this morning I got to hear [livejournal.com profile] wisdomeagle preach at her church, which was very awesome, indeed! The topic of her sermon was bread, and yes, there were even edible examples!

Sam was in town for the weekend, so he got to come with me, and we played a bit with our new Sims Mark III. So far all I've really done is make one house with myself making a healthy income from writing Dan Brown parodies such as The Lost Symbologist and The Bosch Cypher, and another house with Pete Wentz staying up all night and making inappropriate forum posts and Patrick Stump actually, you know, playing the guitar and stuff.

After finding the mouse, Stan and I suddenly found ourselves really in the mood to do some deep cleaning. Not that anything was that dirty, but ....
mayhap: Fall Out Boy as Max and the wild things (wild things)
Upon returning to our apartment, Stan and I were greeted by a suspiciously damp and gently decomposing mouse. Despite careful cross-examination, the cats are revealing nothing. (I scooped it up and took it out to the dumpster, because Stan was too busy standing screaming on tables like women in early Sixties sitcoms.) This was not particularly awesome.

However, this morning I got to hear [livejournal.com profile] wisdomeagle preach at her church, which was very awesome, indeed! The topic of her sermon was bread, and yes, there were even edible examples!

Sam was in town for the weekend, so he got to come with me, and we played a bit with our new Sims Mark III. So far all I've really done is make one house with myself making a healthy income from writing Dan Brown parodies such as The Lost Symbologist and The Bosch Cypher, and another house with Pete Wentz staying up all night and making inappropriate forum posts and Patrick Stump actually, you know, playing the guitar and stuff.

After finding the mouse, Stan and I suddenly found ourselves really in the mood to do some deep cleaning. Not that anything was that dirty, but ....
mayhap: Renaissance wise man with text I've had a crush on that king since I was sixteen (I've had a crush on that King)
Somebody stole my copy of The Laughter of Dead Kings off my porch while I was out of town for my grandfather's funeral. Who does that? I mean, John would have at least had the decency to replace it with an identical copy such that I would never have been able to tell the difference.

Couldn't they at least have returned the opened Amazon box when it proved to have a book in it instead of a couple of DVD box sets or something? Is that so much to ask from the modern postal thief?
mayhap: Renaissance wise man with text I've had a crush on that king since I was sixteen (I've had a crush on that King)
Somebody stole my copy of The Laughter of Dead Kings off my porch while I was out of town for my grandfather's funeral. Who does that? I mean, John would have at least had the decency to replace it with an identical copy such that I would never have been able to tell the difference.

Couldn't they at least have returned the opened Amazon box when it proved to have a book in it instead of a couple of DVD box sets or something? Is that so much to ask from the modern postal thief?
mayhap: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (no good very bad)
What is the most appropriate course of action to take when you're at a movie with your dad and you experience a sudden sharp pain in your left eye because some motherfucker threw a lemon Sour Patch Kid that somehow hit you dead in the eye?

I mean, there's what I actually did, which is rub my eye until it stopped hurting quite so much, and there's what I wanted to do, which was set the theatre on fire, but somehow neither of these seems quite appropriate. Please advise.



Other than that, though, it was a nice day. The clouds kept the evil sun away, I went out with my parents to the spring festival thing downtown, had the best spinach and artichoke pizza ever, bought a pair of cool bead earrings and an old brass alarm clock and some other fun stuff, watched Frank and Jesse James rob the bank for like the five hundredth time, ate my mom's orgasmic homemade doughnuts, wrote some stuff, et cetera. But the Sour Patch Kid kind of, you know, soured things.
mayhap: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (no good very bad)
What is the most appropriate course of action to take when you're at a movie with your dad and you experience a sudden sharp pain in your left eye because some motherfucker threw a lemon Sour Patch Kid that somehow hit you dead in the eye?

I mean, there's what I actually did, which is rub my eye until it stopped hurting quite so much, and there's what I wanted to do, which was set the theatre on fire, but somehow neither of these seems quite appropriate. Please advise.



Other than that, though, it was a nice day. The clouds kept the evil sun away, I went out with my parents to the spring festival thing downtown, had the best spinach and artichoke pizza ever, bought a pair of cool bead earrings and an old brass alarm clock and some other fun stuff, watched Frank and Jesse James rob the bank for like the five hundredth time, ate my mom's orgasmic homemade doughnuts, wrote some stuff, et cetera. But the Sour Patch Kid kind of, you know, soured things.
mayhap: sketchy boy in blue with text Ravenclaw (ravenclaw)
At our library, Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix are located in the YA section. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince are in the juvenile fiction section.

Earth logic? Why would anyone want to use that?
mayhap: sketchy boy in blue with text Ravenclaw (ravenclaw)
At our library, Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix are located in the YA section. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince are in the juvenile fiction section.

Earth logic? Why would anyone want to use that?
mayhap: Lyra reads the alethiometer (Lyra)
Apparently Bob Costas and the rest of the folks at NBC are all huge Shani Davis/Chad Hedrick shippers, to judge by their ongoing fuss about everything they do or don't say or do to each other. Too bad Shani Davis/Enrico Fabris is totally canon! Are they blind? Did they not see the way Davis kept running his hands through Fabris's hair at every possible opportunity?

Yes, I am aware that I am now just being silly.
mayhap: Lyra reads the alethiometer (Lyra)
Apparently Bob Costas and the rest of the folks at NBC are all huge Shani Davis/Chad Hedrick shippers, to judge by their ongoing fuss about everything they do or don't say or do to each other. Too bad Shani Davis/Enrico Fabris is totally canon! Are they blind? Did they not see the way Davis kept running his hands through Fabris's hair at every possible opportunity?

Yes, I am aware that I am now just being silly.
mayhap: Wendy from Peter Pan gazing into (unseen) mirror (reflection)
Okay, so I wasn't looking and then all of a sudden it is my 22nd birthday. I hate it when that happens.

I, uh ... had not imagined being this old. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the entire universe came to an end in 2000. So, you know, I look at the copyright date on a book and it's 1998 and a loud and very stubborn voice in my head informs me, "This book was published two years ago!" Only to be corrected by the voice in my head that can actually tell time, which informs me, "No, this book was in fact published eight years ago."1 Then both of them get depressed and start looking for a stiff drink.

Fortunately, we're all legal.

1Next year, it will have been nine years. What is up with that???
mayhap: Wendy from Peter Pan gazing into (unseen) mirror (reflection)
Okay, so I wasn't looking and then all of a sudden it is my 22nd birthday. I hate it when that happens.

I, uh ... had not imagined being this old. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the entire universe came to an end in 2000. So, you know, I look at the copyright date on a book and it's 1998 and a loud and very stubborn voice in my head informs me, "This book was published two years ago!" Only to be corrected by the voice in my head that can actually tell time, which informs me, "No, this book was in fact published eight years ago."1 Then both of them get depressed and start looking for a stiff drink.

Fortunately, we're all legal.

1Next year, it will have been nine years. What is up with that???
mayhap: stamp with Scottish flag (Scotland)
In order to demonstrate to you that there are no limits to my insanity, I present to you the latest craze which is sweeping fandom (or not): Real Building Slash. With added crossover goodness.

Towering Lust, written for [livejournal.com profile] vagabond_sal
Architecture. PG for suggestiveness. 1,224 words.
The NYU building formerly known as the Main Building finds comfort from a another building that understands.

The Building-that-had-been-Main was sulking. )

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