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Mayhap Corrects the Misapprehensions of Her Patrons
I do, in fact, enjoy my job, probably more than I am meant to.
For one thing, I actually derive pleasure from both the physical and mental (such as they are) aspects of putting books on shelves. I like zipping around with my little cart, and scooping up armsful of books, sometimes quite large ones, and narrowing down the possibilities from G to Gra to Grafton to Grafton, Sue (N is for Noose).
Also, there is scarcely any conflict in my workplace. The people who come to the library want to get books, and also mostly to be left alone. I want the people who come to the library to check out books, and also mostly to be left alone. See? We get along just splendidly.
However, since it's more amusing to be snarky than to be pleased, and because there are certain things that I would like to tell the patrons at the library, if I actually talked to them at all, I present to you (even though of course all of you are too smart to be thinking any of these things):
Misapprehension the First:
The reference librarians and the clerks at the checkout desk are the physical manifestations of a pan-dimensional being and they will suck your soul out with their eyes. The computer terminals are much the same, except that they are even more dangerous, since the cathode ray tube is bigger. Therefore, whenever you have a question, you should ask one of the pages who is working in the stacks, because they aren't scary at all.
Misapprehension the Second:
a.) I don't have to clean up all those books/videocassettes/audiobooks/DVDs/whatever that I or my small child just knocked over, because that's somebody else's job and I'm too incompetent to do it properly; or
b.) I can just shove all those books/videocassettes/audiobooks/DVDs/whatever back on the shelf however I want, because, like, if the library actually cared about what order the books were on the shelves, they'd have employees to come around and clean up after me and check all the shelves systematically to make sure they're in order.
Misapprehension the Third:
The chairs need to be randomly moved until they have been diffused throughout the available space in the library.
Misapprehension the Fourth:
It is acceptable to take a form from the Summer Reading Program directly over to the picture books section, fill it with twenty titles of books off the shelf, and then instruct your child to turn it in for a free book.
Misapprehension the Fifth:
I'll go check out one of the books that has been nominated for the Mark Twain award, because no one else has had the same idea!
If I think of any other misapprehensions my patrons are laboring under, I'll let you all know. :D
For one thing, I actually derive pleasure from both the physical and mental (such as they are) aspects of putting books on shelves. I like zipping around with my little cart, and scooping up armsful of books, sometimes quite large ones, and narrowing down the possibilities from G to Gra to Grafton to Grafton, Sue (N is for Noose).
Also, there is scarcely any conflict in my workplace. The people who come to the library want to get books, and also mostly to be left alone. I want the people who come to the library to check out books, and also mostly to be left alone. See? We get along just splendidly.
However, since it's more amusing to be snarky than to be pleased, and because there are certain things that I would like to tell the patrons at the library, if I actually talked to them at all, I present to you (even though of course all of you are too smart to be thinking any of these things):
Meghan Corrects the Misapprehensions of Her Patrons
Misapprehension the First:
The reference librarians and the clerks at the checkout desk are the physical manifestations of a pan-dimensional being and they will suck your soul out with their eyes. The computer terminals are much the same, except that they are even more dangerous, since the cathode ray tube is bigger. Therefore, whenever you have a question, you should ask one of the pages who is working in the stacks, because they aren't scary at all.
In fact:
Answering your questions is not in my job description. That's why I'm not sitting in front of a computer. I have, in fact, been instructed by the head librarian to direct all such queries to the staff at the reference desk. I may condescend to answer your question, but only if a.) it is really easy, like "Where are the audiobooks?" or "Where are the books about dogs?", and b.) I like you. Because I'm not really required to do this at all.
Misapprehension the Second:
a.) I don't have to clean up all those books/videocassettes/audiobooks/DVDs/whatever that I or my small child just knocked over, because that's somebody else's job and I'm too incompetent to do it properly; or
b.) I can just shove all those books/videocassettes/audiobooks/DVDs/whatever back on the shelf however I want, because, like, if the library actually cared about what order the books were on the shelves, they'd have employees to come around and clean up after me and check all the shelves systematically to make sure they're in order.
In fact:
Sadly. this is all true. This is why you should not knock over the books/videocassettes/audiobooks/DVDs/whatever in the first place. And you should certainly not permit your small child to do so. Because one of these days, a page is going to go postal on your ass.
Misapprehension the Third:
The chairs need to be randomly moved until they have been diffused throughout the available space in the library.
In fact:
The chairs need to pretty much stay at the tables.
Misapprehension the Fourth:
It is acceptable to take a form from the Summer Reading Program directly over to the picture books section, fill it with twenty titles of books off the shelf, and then instruct your child to turn it in for a free book.
In fact:
Look, this whole program is run on the honor system. We don't even make a pretense at determining whether the children have read the books on their lists; that's between you and your child and whatever morals you lay claim to. But could you at least check the damn books out? This is how we increase our circulation. Increased circulation is how we get our funding. Funding is how we pay my salary, buy all the shiny new books and CDs that I want to check out, and buy the free books we give out in the Summer Reading Program, besides. Except I don't even know what you want with the damn free book, because obviously you don't value actually reading in your family.
Misapprehension the Fifth:
I'll go check out one of the books that has been nominated for the Mark Twain award, because no one else has had the same idea!
In fact:
The books that have been nominated for the Mark Twain award stay on the shelves for, like, five minutes. Seriously. I put them there, and the next thing I know, they're gone. Don't just stand there staring at the empty shelf. Go sit down at the Soul-Sucking Computer Terminals of DOOM or go talk to the Evil Reference Librarian and put one or some or all of those books on hold, because that's the only way you're going to see them. Unless, of course, you stand there staring at the empty shelf for a really long time. In which case, you will be in my way.
If I think of any other misapprehensions my patrons are laboring under, I'll let you all know. :D
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I love that. Not that I'm a librarian worker, but damn it, I'd like my books to be where I can find them. (What? Am I crazy for wanting that?)
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</sarcasm>
If they at least have the decency to leave them lying on the shelves, the books find their way back fairly quickly, but if they actually misshelve them ... well, heaven help you ...
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If only that job paid enough to be a career....
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Nah. Now, maybe if we followed the New York Public Library in only circulating books for three weeks at a time, charging a quarter a day in fines and not capping said fines, ever ...
Re: More Misapprehensions from a Fellow Former Page
Misapprehension 5A:
The page doesn't need to actually touch or even get within three feet of her cart in order to get books from the cart onto the shelves where they could easily be found. Therefore, patrons should hover nearby like vultures as she pushes the cart into the new book room, and swarm over it like ants over spilled honey as soon as she steps away, and make irritated noises if, after five minutes, she attempts to get more books off the cart for reshelving. Also, the books on the cart aren't in any particular order any more than those on the shelves are, so if you take a book off the cart, put it back any old how. In fact, express your individuality by putting it back spine-down!
Misapprehension 1A:
The page is personally responsible for every aspect of your library experience. Thus, is it appropriate to ask her "Why doesn't the library have any good books? What do I pay taxes for?" or "Why don't you have Sitara the Slut by Danielle Steele? It's a BEST SELLER!!" or "I'm looking for the book they were talking about on NPR yesterday. I don't know if it was fiction or nonfiction, or if Nicholas was the author's first or last name... but they were talking about it on N. P. R.!!"
Re: More Misapprehensions from a Fellow Former Page
Even the crazy lady who was complaining that we didn't have enough large print Grace Livingston Hill books (because yeah, we only have twenty-some and don't all those damn things have the same plot anyway?) and rejected without comment my suggestion that she actually look the books up in the Evil Catalogue and place some holds on them was very, very friendly about it. She also shared with me the tragic story of how she'd read a really good book (a Christian book, of course, because that is all she reads) about the Civil War (she learns lots of history from these books!) and now she can't remember the author so she can't find any more books by that author, but she did stop short of actually expecting me to know whom she was on about.
Drugs. It must be drugs. There can be no other explanation.
Re: More Misapprehensions from a Fellow Former Page
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Sing it, sister. Sing it loud, proud, and then beat them over the head with a fat ol' Stephen King. =)
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And library dorks are the best. :D
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Geez, I haven't been to the library since calculus ended.
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We have a brand new catalogue, too, but I guess everyone's at least somewhat used to it now. And we have new computers that don't suck. Whee! You should come visit me chez la librarie sometime.
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Do they change it every day?
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