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FIC: Ways to Get Back at Stephen Fry by Alan Davies aged 39½
So. Uh. There's really nothing I can say that will make this any better, is there? It's probably a judgement on me for thinking that RPS was the silliest thing imaginable when I first heard of it, lo these many years ago.
Ways to Get Back at Stephen Fry by Alan Davies aged 39½
Rating: Let's say R
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. It is not actually by Alan Davies. It does not purport to be fact. Also, *hides*
Length: 350 words of SHAME
1. Know more things than he does
Rubbish. Never works.
Fry has too much fucking time for knowing things. Quite possibly because he never gets laid. And what he doesn’t know, he either makes it up, or gets the blokes that have got the headsets and Google to tell it to him. How is that fair?
2. Find his books in shops and put them wrong-side out.
You know, the girl might have at least waited until you were out of sight to put them right side out again. Really spoilt the triumph of the moment for you.
3. Tell everyone what a condescending bastard he is on national television
Good, but ultimately unsatisfying.
Fry will just get round everyone next week with his ‘pretend not to be a condescending bastard when you clearly are’ act. He thinks he’s so clever just because he knows everything.
4. Seduce him and then he’ll really be sorry
It turns out that once you get Fry full of good food and wine and get him safely back to your place, he stops saying things like ‘Don’t be absurd, or at least any more absurd than you can actually help being’ and ‘I’m sure you can find a more suitable partner for your sudden forays into homosexuality’ and starts saying things like ‘Wherever did you learn to do that?’ and ‘Oh fuck yes’.
And once you have torn his waistcoat off and got and his trousers down around his ankles you start feeling quite a bit better about everything, and he starts saying ‘Oh god, oh god’, and you say ‘It’s about time you noticed’ and Stephen laughs. And then stops laughing when you do that thing again.
And afterwards he starts to stroke your hair like he’s petting a dog or something and you would tick him off for it except that it’s actually rather nice.
But only if he does it after sex.
Ways to Get Back at Stephen Fry by Alan Davies aged 39½
Rating: Let's say R
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. It is not actually by Alan Davies. It does not purport to be fact. Also, *hides*
Length: 350 words of SHAME
Rubbish. Never works.
Fry has too much fucking time for knowing things. Quite possibly because he never gets laid. And what he doesn’t know, he either makes it up, or gets the blokes that have got the headsets and Google to tell it to him. How is that fair?
You know, the girl might have at least waited until you were out of sight to put them right side out again. Really spoilt the triumph of the moment for you.
Good, but ultimately unsatisfying.
Fry will just get round everyone next week with his ‘pretend not to be a condescending bastard when you clearly are’ act. He thinks he’s so clever just because he knows everything.
4. Seduce him and then he’ll really be sorry
It turns out that once you get Fry full of good food and wine and get him safely back to your place, he stops saying things like ‘Don’t be absurd, or at least any more absurd than you can actually help being’ and ‘I’m sure you can find a more suitable partner for your sudden forays into homosexuality’ and starts saying things like ‘Wherever did you learn to do that?’ and ‘Oh fuck yes’.
And once you have torn his waistcoat off and got and his trousers down around his ankles you start feeling quite a bit better about everything, and he starts saying ‘Oh god, oh god’, and you say ‘It’s about time you noticed’ and Stephen laughs. And then stops laughing when you do that thing again.
And afterwards he starts to stroke your hair like he’s petting a dog or something and you would tick him off for it except that it’s actually rather nice.
But only if he does it after sex.
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Now I don't know Alan Davies(had to look him up as well), but your approach to RPS is both witty and classy. If RPS than this is the way to go about it. :-)
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Especially...
1. Know more things than he doesRubbish. Never works.
Ah sweet revenge.
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I've been guilty of doing #2 (nothing of his, of course). Too bad it wasn't #4, though!
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gets the blokes that have got the headsets and Google to tell it to him. How is that fair? naww.
And the ending is adorable.
(I'm sorry about pointing this out, it's really not my business, but Alan would say 'waistcoat' rather than 'vest' since in England a vest is the thing you wear underneath your shirt to keep you warm.)
Your fic's very sweet. Thank you.
x
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‘I’m sure you can find a more suitable partner for your sudden forays into homosexuality’
Oh! You win so very much! *dances the shiny fic*
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And He thinks he’s so clever just because he knows everything. is so very Alan :P
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A couple of series down the line it is just the cutest relationship ever. Stephen Fry did put it very succinctly when he described Alan Davies as a puppy. :D
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he stops saying things like ‘Don’t be absurd, or at least any more absurd than you can actually help being’ and ‘I’m sure you can find a more suitable partner for your sudden forays into homosexuality’ and starts saying things like ‘Wherever did you learn to do that?’ and ‘Oh fuck yes’.
For all the times when you've just wanted to assert yourself and be RIGHT for once...
I applaud you!
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but i'm quite probably going to a special level of hell for reading this, specially if either of them actually know how to trawl the internets.
but how likely is that, really.
gah!
(Anonymous) 2006-10-28 06:55 pm (UTC)(link)*I love you*
no one else has, and they're just too cute.
i thought it was just me that squee'd everytime something inadvertant happens on the show.
i have to go and lie down because my head just exploded...
*makes kawaii face*
ttyl
imi
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