FIC: Ways to Get Back at Stephen Fry by Alan Davies aged 39½

[mayhap]

So. Uh. There's really nothing I can say that will make this any better, is there? It's probably a judgement on me for thinking that RPS was the silliest thing imaginable when I first heard of it, lo these many years ago.

Ways to Get Back at Stephen Fry by Alan Davies aged 39½

Rating: Let's say R
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. It is not actually by Alan Davies. It does not purport to be fact. Also, *hides*
Length: 350 words of SHAME


1. Know more things than he does

Rubbish. Never works.

Fry has too much fucking time for knowing things. Quite possibly because he never gets laid. And what he doesn’t know, he either makes it up, or gets the blokes that have got the headsets and Google to tell it to him. How is that fair?


2. Find his books in shops and put them wrong-side out.

You know, the girl might have at least waited until you were out of sight to put them right side out again. Really spoilt the triumph of the moment for you.


3. Tell everyone what a condescending bastard he is on national television

Good, but ultimately unsatisfying.

Fry will just get round everyone next week with his ‘pretend not to be a condescending bastard when you clearly are’ act. He thinks he’s so clever just because he knows everything.

4. Seduce him and then he’ll really be sorry

It turns out that once you get Fry full of good food and wine and get him safely back to your place, he stops saying things like ‘Don’t be absurd, or at least any more absurd than you can actually help being’ and ‘I’m sure you can find a more suitable partner for your sudden forays into homosexuality’ and starts saying things like ‘Wherever did you learn to do that?’ and ‘Oh fuck yes’.

And once you have torn his waistcoat off and got and his trousers down around his ankles you start feeling quite a bit better about everything, and he starts saying ‘Oh god, oh god’, and you say ‘It’s about time you noticed’ and Stephen laughs. And then stops laughing when you do that thing again.

And afterwards he starts to stroke your hair like he’s petting a dog or something and you would tick him off for it except that it’s actually rather nice.

But only if he does it after sex.

Comments

[norah.livejournal.com]

I had to look up Alan Davies but I still think this is fabulous. Hee.

[mayhap]

Aww, thanks. :)

[thalia-seawood.livejournal.com]

I usually don't read RPS, but the title of your story had me intrigued.
Now I don't know Alan Davies(had to look him up as well), but your approach to RPS is both witty and classy. If RPS than this is the way to go about it. :-)

[mayhap]

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[lakester.livejournal.com]

But they are happy, joyous words of shame!

Especially...
1. Know more things than he does
Rubbish. Never works.

Ah sweet revenge.

[mayhap]

Thank you!

[purple-bat.livejournal.com]

Greatness!

I've been guilty of doing #2 (nothing of his, of course). Too bad it wasn't #4, though!

[mayhap]

Thanks, and hee! Sometimes I take books I like and turn them out and make little displays out of them, too.

[purple-bat.livejournal.com]

I hate when people put silly books in front of the good stuff. I'm surprised I haven't been asked to work in a store given the amount of time I put into straightening shelves.

[anbyrobanby.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHAHAH! This is so funny because it's so true!

[mayhap]

Hee, I know! Theirloveissoobvious! And thanks!

[thymeth.livejournal.com]

No, no, don't hide. That's really cute.
gets the blokes that have got the headsets and Google to tell it to him. How is that fair? naww.
And the ending is adorable.
(I'm sorry about pointing this out, it's really not my business, but Alan would say 'waistcoat' rather than 'vest' since in England a vest is the thing you wear underneath your shirt to keep you warm.)
Your fic's very sweet. Thank you.
x

[mayhap]

Aww, thank you very much! (And thank the wonderful, editable internet, allowing me to correct my mistakes with a single bound.!)

[lycoris.livejournal.com]

I love it, it's wonderful. Only I can't laugh the way it deserves due to public librariness. Just awesome! :D

[mayhap]

Aww, thanks! :D

[nerdcakes.livejournal.com]

Oh! Oh, I love Alan/Stephen soverymuch, I really really do.

‘I’m sure you can find a more suitable partner for your sudden forays into homosexuality’

Oh! You win so very much! *dances the shiny fic*

[mayhap]

Thank you! :D

[strangeumbrella.livejournal.com]

Don't hide! That made me squee like mad XD Alan/Stephen CONQUERS ALL.

And He thinks he’s so clever just because he knows everything. is so very Alan :P

[mayhap]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

[freya]

I used to hate QI in the beginning. Alan Davies seemed to be genuineyly biting at Stephen Fry, and I already knew most of the things he so smugly told me anyway.
A couple of series down the line it is just the cutest relationship ever. Stephen Fry did put it very succinctly when he described Alan Davies as a puppy. :D

[mayhap]

Yes, in the early episodes everyone is all strange and stiff and awkward and not so much adorable.

[paranoidkitten.livejournal.com]

OMGSQUEE. This is gorgeous and funny and brilliant. :D

[mayhap]

OMGTHANKYOU. :D :D :D

[redscharlach.livejournal.com]

I'm sure that it's a terrible thing for the state of the universe that this fic even exists, but it did make me laugh. A lot.

[mayhap]

Very probably. Poor, poor universe. *pats it*

[alibi-factory.livejournal.com]

Oh oh oh! That was funny and adorable and very Alan. And #4, for all its avoidance of actual details, is very much in the way of really fucking sexy.

[mayhap]

Thank you so much! I'm glad it worked for you without actual details, because, well, hee.

[sine-que-non767.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is *great*! Never be embarrassed! The balance is now somewhat more restored with this wonderful Alan defence; much as my brain is dedicated to adoring Stephen, I like casual humiliation of my idols as much as the next odd person...

he stops saying things like ‘Don’t be absurd, or at least any more absurd than you can actually help being’ and ‘I’m sure you can find a more suitable partner for your sudden forays into homosexuality’ and starts saying things like ‘Wherever did you learn to do that?’ and ‘Oh fuck yes’.

For all the times when you've just wanted to assert yourself and be RIGHT for once...

I applaud you!

[mayhap]

Aww, thank you so much!

[chinawolf.livejournal.com]

Awwwwww. ♥♥♥ That's just darling.

[mayhap]

Thank you! ♥♥♥

[samantha2074.livejournal.com]

I don't quite see the Alan/Stephen subtext that others do, but this is hilarious. And it just somehow works! I'm in awe!

[mayhap]

I'm all the more flattered! Thanks!

[rastnim.livejournal.com]

I love you...pure and simple...I thought that I was the only person in the world who thought A/S was goooood until about an 20 minutes ago when I found quiteslashy. I love you for this and can't believe I didn't find out this sort of thing was circulating already. I should have known any pairing is possible on the internet.

[mayhap]

Eeeee! Welcome to the exciting world of awesome quiz show RPS! I remember I posted, like, a year ago asking if I was the only one who shipped Alan/Stephen, and then I, too, found quiteslashy and about died of happiness. The internet truly is a many-splendored thing. :D

[sandle-hat.livejournal.com]

awesome.

but i'm quite probably going to a special level of hell for reading this, specially if either of them actually know how to trawl the internets.
but how likely is that, really.

gah!

[(Anonymous)]

you wrote QI RPS.

*I love you*

no one else has, and they're just too cute.

i thought it was just me that squee'd everytime something inadvertant happens on the show.

i have to go and lie down because my head just exploded...

*makes kawaii face*

ttyl

imi

[whetherwoman.livejournal.com]

I just found this through a rec from makesmewannadie and I am so, so, so terribly glad this story exists. It's my deep secret OTP and... I... just... yeah. This is hilarious.

[mayhap]

Eeeee, thank you so much! I am so, so terribly glad people read it, because, well. D:

[lazy-daze.livejournal.com]

I can't remember where I wandered here from, though possibly also makesmewannadie...but OMFG. Love. This is so the QI OTP *amused*

[mayhap]

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it! :D

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

Oh nice. I have some vague idea of who Alan Davis is, but as long as Stephen's getting his end away, I'm happy.

[mayhap]

Thank you very much! I approve as well. ;)

[wickedground.livejournal.com]

omg adorable ♥ I'm new to the Alan/Stephen love, and aaaaah, I'm so glad that there's quiteslashy ^^

[park-hye-in.livejournal.com]

ahaha, this was lots of fun.

[broncobabe007.livejournal.com]

I found this via Google and kind of adore it and its cuteness. Fantastic.