potentialities

I wrote something very silly indeed for Yuletide this year! It was a lot of fun.

No Dumb Yuletide Stories, Just Dumb Podcast Hosts (1092 words) by mayhap
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: National Football League RPF
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jason Kelce & Travis Kelce
Characters: Jason Kelce, Travis Kelce
Additional Tags: Humor, Characters React to Fandom, Yuletide
Summary: We gotta talk about it.

Although we still don't have a release date for Happy Gilmore 2, since I wrote this, the trailer did drop. Travis is totally living that self-insert life for real.

I've never really been able to get into hockey because they won't put a team in my city, and I'm like, well, fuck you, too, buddy! We actually did have one, briefly, and they ended up moving it to New Jersey, which is almost as insulting as the time they took our basketball team and moved it to Sacramento, but I digress. I don't read a lot of hockey RPF because I don't follow the sport, but I was introduced to the trope of the winner's room, where a player from the winning team gets to fuck a player from the losing team after the game, and to me this is just the perfect plot device for putting some guys into situations that simply could not exist without institutionalized sex rituals.

The regular season Bills game against the Chiefs—the one that led to the infamous "Mahomes 'meltdown'"—was already top of mind as the draft approaches because the Chiefs need to keep improving the receiver room this offseason so things like that don't happen again, and Rashee Rice is not currently helping! The angst is delicious, though, and since we ended up winning the game that actually mattered against the Bills again this year, it was easier for me to enjoy wallowing in it. Which is what I ended up doing, virtually against my will, because I started writing this and then I couldn't stop writing this:

Acts of Service (3131 words) by mayhap
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: National Football League RPF
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Josh Allen/Patrick Mahomes, Travis Kelce & Patrick Mahomes
Characters: Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen (National Football League RPF), Travis Kelce
Additional Tags: Winner's Room, Dubious Consent, Under-negotiated Kink, Light Dom/sub, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Awkward Sexual Situations, Praise Kink, Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives
Summary:

Winner’s room AU, set after the December 10, 2023 Bills @ Chiefs game.

Pat knew he was starting to get a reputation for how he was when he was in the room, but he couldn’t help it. When he was the winner, he liked to show off, liked to get the other guy into it, like it was just another game for him to win at. When he was the loser, he found himself desperate to do something, anything right.

This year for Yuletide I wrote for The Ordinary Princess, a book that has been extremely dear to my heart for a long time!

A New Fashion for Ordinariness (2674 words) by mayhap
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Ordinary Princess - M.M. Kaye
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Amy/Peregrine (The Ordinary Princess)
Characters: Amy (The Ordinary Princess), Peregrine (The Ordinary Princess), Original Characters
Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Fluff
Summary:

Problems with pets, periodicals, and picnics.

💜💜💜

This year I wrote fic for Possession, which was equal parts intimidating and inspiring.

Marra Tivvit (1331 words) by mayhap
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Possession - A. S. Byatt
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Randolph Henry Ash/Christabel LaMotte
Characters: Randolph Henry Ash, Christabel LaMotte
Additional Tags: Missing Scene, Hurt/Comfort, Sickfic, gratuitous extension of a metaphysical conceit
Summary:

“Now was he hers, if she should ask of him
Body or soul, he would have offered all.
And seeing this, at last, the Fairy smiled.”
      —Christabel LaMotte, The Fairy Melusine

I wrote two things for Yuletide and they're definitely very different from each other! Both pretty on-brand for me, though, in their own way.

The Tale of the Water of Living Stone (1286 words) by mayhap
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: VitaminWater "Dogs Lost In A Maze That Is Also In Egypt" Commercial
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Fletcher (Dogs Lost In A Maze That Is Also In Egypt), Nicole (Dogs Lost In A Maze That Is Also In Egypt), Pat (Dogs Lost In A Maze That Is Also In Egypt), Original Characters
Additional Tags: Don't Have to Know Canon, Pastiche
Summary:

A newly-discovered Egyptian text which is definitely NOT part of a viral marketing campaign for Dogs Lost in a Maze That Is Also in Egypt from electroLIGHT and açaí.blueberry.pomegranate studios, in theaters at some point. #dogsinamaze #XXXsummerblockbuster

What do you mean, Dogs Lost in a Maze that is Also in Egypt isn't a real movie? It has a Rotten Tomatoes page! This is the novelization that an ancient Egyptian might have written if he had a strange and anachronistic mandate to include prominent product placement.

Happiness Is a Water Gun (2313 words) by mayhap
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Adventures in Odyssey
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Relationships: Richard Maxwell/Dr. Regis Blackgaard, allusions to past Jellyfish/Richard Maxwell
Characters: Richard Maxwell, Dr. Regis Blackgaard, John Avery Whittaker, Connie Kendall
Additional Tags: Revenge Sex, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Face-Fucking, Humiliation, Yuletide Treat, Yuleporn
Summary:

With Dr. Regis Blackgaard forced to his knees at gunpoint, Richard Maxwell takes his revenge. AU of Waylaid in the Windy City.

Adventures in Odyssey is a long-running radio drama produced by Focus on the Family which is supposed to teach your children important lessons, but I learned all the wrong lessons from it. Like that revenge is actually awesome and the only thing that would make it better would be getting the guy who'd deliver the lecture about how revenge is bad out of the room so that things can get really filthy. Hence this fic.

This year I wrote Ea-Nasir Tablet RPF for jjhunter for Yuletide:

Say to Them (2604 words) by mayhap
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Ea-nasir Tablet RPF
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Ea-Nasir, Nanni, Original Characters
Additional Tags: Correspondence, Legal Documents, 5 Things
Summary:

Five undiscovered texts pertaining to the life of Ea-Nasir.

You may have heard of the Ea-Nasir tablet, which went a bit viral on reddit, tumblr, etc, a while back. It's instantly relatable: the ur-customer service complaint, if you will.

At one point while I was working on this story I joked that I was living the classic stress dream wherein you realize that you have a final research paper due in a class that you have never attended. That was basically how I ended up approaching it—as I was looking up stuff about the world of Ea-Nasir, I kept coming across great stuff that I wanted to work into my story somehow, which in turn led me to look up other things, and so on. Pretty early on I settled on doing a 5 Things fic, with five different scribes and five different texts, with Ea-Nasir's direct response to Nanni's tablet at the center, and at the last minute I went through and annotated a bunch of things for the edification and enjoyment of my readers.

Incidentally, coercedbynutmeg, the entrepôt where Ea-Nasir acquired the copper that Nanni wrote him an angry letter about was none other than Bahrain.

So it turned out that what I really wanted to write for Yuletide this year was explicit kinky f/f for extremely innocent childhood books. It's slightly specific.

Mary Anne Takes Charge (3816 words) by mayhap
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Baby-Sitters Club - Ann M. Martin
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Mary Anne Spier/Kristy Thomas
Characters: Mary Anne Spier, Kristy Thomas
Additional Tags: Consensual Kink, Light Dom/sub, Obedience, Foot Massage, Oral Sex, Sex Toys, Yuleporn
Summary: Kristy and I have an arrangement.

This was my main assignment. something_ignites left a nicely open "Any" prompt for the BSC which came in porn and non-porn versions, the former of which was "I am really excited to see what people come up with when I prompt them to write the filthiest dirtiest BSC fanfic they can think of that they'd still personally find sexy." I totally loved responding this prompt, although I don't know how it worked for something_ignites since I haven't had a response from them yet. I'm a huge multishipper in fandom, but Kristy/Mary Anne is definitely my original and truest of BSC OTPs.

Fruit of Nights and Flower of Days (1661 words) by mayhap
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm - Kate Douglas Wiggin
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Emma Jane Perkins/Rebecca Rowena Randall
Characters: Rebecca Rowena Randall, Emma Jane Perkins
Additional Tags: Sexual Roleplay, Bondage, Marking, Established Relationship, Yuletide Treat, Yuleporn
Summary: Rebecca never stopped “acting out” stories with Emma Jane, but she has relocated them to their bedroom.

I wrote this treat for alixtii because I desperately wanted it to exist and there were no takers the last two years running, so I figured that this year I would just write it myself.

It turns out that not a lot of people seem to know Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm? This surprises me, since it's basically the American Anne of Green Gables—or rather, to be honest, Anne is the Canadian Rebecca, although there are a lot more/better Anne sequels, which might have something to do with it. Still, I'm very pleased with it.

This is my first story for my kink bingo card, for "writing on the body", and that isn't even on any of the lines I was going to do, so I guess it's my free space.

Like Juno's Swans by mayhap
As You Like It. Celia/Rosalind. R. 1,224 words.
Written for kink_bingo (kink: writing on the body). 'Lying prone, as if in supplication before the great god Hypnos whose worship no man can abjure long, Rosalind displayed the fine white planes of her shoulders and back to great advantage, which put Celia in mind of a fine jest.'

( The bed which Ganymede shared rustically with his sister Aliena in their rude rented cottage was not so grand as that the cousins Rosalind and Celia had occupied in their proper persons at court. )

This is my birthday present to you all, but particularly to Bevy, to whom I have owed it for so long now that George R. R. Martin is actually doing better than me in terms of delivering ASoIaF material as promised, which is unacceptable, so it's getting posted today!

This is pretty much just porn. And, uh, I leaned pretty heavily on the Wiki of Ice and Fire for my fake history, because there's a lot of it to keep track of. (You may find the previous two sentences contradictory, but this is pretty much how my mind works.)

Forgotten by Morning
A Song of Ice and Fire. Robert Baratheon/Ned Stark. NC-17. 2,509 words.
I’m about to get fucked by Robert Baratheon, Ned thought dizzily. Afterward I can compare notes with half the beddable women in Westeros.

( Eddard Stark fell to his knees like they’d been cut out from under him. )

This year I wrote Bagthorpes v. Zombies for adaptationdecay!

The Bagthorpe Saga has been bruited about in Yuletide nominations before (I even requested it one year, without having previously thought about it at all, and I think my optional details were something completely unhelpful like "Anything at all!!!! You could crossover with Doctor Who?"), but I wound up being the first person to actually write it. This was kind of awesome, because I got readers who had forgotten and/or thought they had hallucinated these books until they came across my story, and anything that raises the profile of the Bagthorpes is awesome in my book.

The books are shamefully out of print; even the reissues of the first four books that Oxford University Press did in 2005 when Helen Cresswell died seem to have fallen back out of print, although the excellent audiobooks persist on Audible. You can look for them at your local library, or, if they have discarded their copies, pick up ex-library copies in good condition cheaply on Abebooks or similar.

I adore these books; they relate the saga of an English family comprised nearly entirely of eccentrics and mostly of self-proclaimed geniuses, who are at least quite bright and distinctly self-absorbed. Life at the Bagthorpe house largely takes place on the continuum bounded by "barely controlled chaos" and "utter chaos", all omnisciently narrated with a comedic touch that I would not hesitate to compare with the Master himself (P. G. Wodehouse). So naturally I couldn't resist adding some zombies to the mix.

For this I can only partly blame my lovely recipient, who wrote me delightful, discursive prompts that could be held up as a model to all Yuletiders everywhere. As soon as the assignment landed in my inbox, though, the Bagthorpes promptly crossed with a suggestion from a prompt Gyo Fujikawa's A to Z Picture Book, wherein Z is for Zombie (and Y is for Yuletide!) and thus this hybrid plot bunny was born.

It grew into a brain-devouring monster, overran my estimates several times, and finally swelled to 7,000 words before the approaching deadline prompted me to forcibly put a cap on it (which is almost twice as long as my next-longest Yuletide story!).

If you like zombies, but aren't certain how you feel about Bagthorpes, it is the sort of story I think can be read by any interested parties, due to extensive pastiche of character and narrative asides that are hopefully both amusing and informative.