mayhap: Patrick Mahomes wrapping his arms around Travis Kelce (hold me back)
He’s finally done it, the absolute madman. Patrick Mahomes completed a behind-the-back pass in a preseason game to—who else?—Travis Kelce.

Hang this in the Louvre fr )

Much like Ahab’s quest for the titular whale, this feat was, according to Pat’s in-game interview, motivated by spite:
I mean, long story short, Travis didn't run the route he was supposed to run, and then it was kind of a behind-the-back pass kind of ’cause I was mad, I was pissed off at Travis. He was supposed to run a flat route—I don't know if you can hear me in the broadcast, I was yelling at him, and then he doesn't run it, so out of spite, I threw a behind-the-back pass, but now it's going to be a highlight.
Hilarious behavior. I'm going to throw you the ball, that'll show you! Pat, this flawed approach could be why you have limited success keeping Travis under control, I'm just saying.

Naturally, once I heard this, I was curious what Travis’s side of the story would be, and luckily he had his own in-game interview, since who even knows when the New Heights podcast is coming back.
You know, he’s got the voice thing, [incomprehensible frog noises], so he kind of mumbled out the play, I couldn't hear it, and I was walking up to the line and I was trying to, like, decipher what he was saying, and before I knew it, he snapped the ball, and, uh, yeah. And then I kind of saw him out of my peripheral run to the sideline, so I was trying to go help my guy out. By the time I looked over there, he was already in mid form, like a photo on a sports card, throwing the ball to me, so it was just, uh, I guess, right place at the right time.
Travis doesn't bust out his Pat impression too often, but whenever he does, it's gold. (Andy Reid supposedly does an incredible one, but alas, we, the public, will probably never hear it, because that's how he rolls.) Not that I think just anyone should be allowed to make fun of Pat’s voice, because that's rude and hurtful, but Travis can get away with it, like he can get away with not even knowing what he’s doing instead of running the correct route.

Now, this is all very fun, but preseason games are barely even games at all, only slightly more serious than practices. I still long to see the behind-the-back pass in a real game. Of course, like Pat said in the postgame, it has to happen naturally—they're not going actually call for it in the huddle, but when a play breaks down, Pat’s so good at recognizing opportunities, and if the stars align and he has this in his back pocket, he could finally pull the trigger on it, and it could be so beautiful…
mayhap: hennaed hands, writing (Dave McKean)
It occurred to me that this is the most appropriate day of the year to recommend this album, so I will.

mayhap: Patrick Mahomes hanging onto Travis Kelce for mutual drunken support (friends in low places)
These Super Bowl rings are such preposterous objects. They look hilarious on even giant athlete hands. I love them so much.



Oh, yeah, baby, time to strut your stuff, you earned it. ❤️





I'm not the one who grouped the picture of himself with Travis with the picture of himself with Brittany in a single Instagram post, okay.



Taylor was watching along on Mecole Hardman's girlfriend's livestream! ❤️
mayhap: Patrick Mahomes wrapping his arms around Travis Kelce (hold me back)
Travis Kelce is publicly sticking to his originally stated timeline for retirement, i.e., not until the wheels come off, and also choosing to phrase it absolutely hilariously, so there's that. I guess there's no particular reason to worry that he didn't extend his contract past next season since he could easily do it whenever if he wants. At least now I can concentrate exclusively on worrying about injuries! This is a good hair length/beard length combo for me, too. I accept them all as they come but some of them are more enjoyable than others.

He and Jason also discussed Travis's only touchdown pass during the Teach Tape segment of New Heights last week, a play that is near and dear to my heart. Still on the wishlist would be a play where Pat gets to receive a pass from him. (Travis agrees that he was open! ❤️)

Speaking of whom, Pat pitched a football like a baseball during mandatory minicamp. I love these shenanigans. Also, there's a truism among sportswriters that “everyone looks good in shorts,” and they mean “every football player looks like they can play at a high level before padded practices begin,” but seriously, everyone looks good in shorts, ifyouknowwhatImean.
mayhap: Mike and Psmith walking and chatting (Mike/Psmith)
Every year the Chiefs' social media team tantalizes us with Patrick Mahomes behind the back passes from practices like this one:



So fucking hot.

Tragically, the behind the back pass has yet to be unleashed in an actual game. When questioned about it on First Things First, this is what Pat said:
I think it was we didn’t play as well offensively enough for me to pull the behind-the-back pass off this last year. But it’s no one else’s fault than myself, because Coach Reid wants me to throw it behind the back more than anyone in the world. And so he deliberately puts in plays that I have the opportunity to throw the ball behind the back. So it’s not a coaching thing. It’s me not having that confidence to do it in a game. But one of these games, man, we’ve got to do it. There’s been too much hype on it. We’ve got to do it and hopefully it’s to Trav. He’s the best at judging that behind-the-back pass.

I do love that he just had to get that last part in there, fully unprompted. If he wants his first time to be with Travis, though, it might be a good idea to pull the trigger sooner rather than later, loathe though I am to even think about it.
mayhap: Marshmallow Fluff label (Fluff)
This leaked image looks like it comes from some extremely specific porn for people who are into jocks in tube socks, sugary breakfast cereals, micro/macro and vore:



I'll cop to two of those, anyway. Looking forward to seeing the actual ad approximately one jillion times during the upcoming NFL season!
mayhap: Mizuki stomps with rage (Mizuki sulks)
Well, I've done this again. I guess it's a series now.

Physical Touch (3230 words) by mayhap
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: National Football League RPF
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Maxx Crosby/Patrick Mahomes, Travis Kelce & Patrick Mahomes
Characters: Patrick Mahomes, Maxx Crosby, Travis Kelce
Additional Tags: Winner's Room, Dubious Consent, Under-negotiated Kink, Trash Talk, Humiliation, Slapping, Nipple Play, Dirty Talk, Anal Sex, Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives
Series: Part 2 of Patrick Mahomes — Winner's Room
Summary:

Winner’s Room AU, set after the December 25, 2023 Raiders @ Chiefs game.

“Are you mad because it was the Raiders that beat you?” Maxx asked, peering intently into Pat’s face. “Or are you mad because it’s me in here with you now?”


I had to rewatch this game for research, or actually watch it properly for the first time, since my attention was mercifully divided by holiday festivities when it was played. What an absolute fever dream nightmare slog that was. It's very funny that Antonio Pierce is claiming that he has the blueprint to beat the Chiefs when this is the least replicable thing imaginable, but I suppose they're going to talk their shit. After all, this is their Super Bowl and our Super Bowl is the Super Bowl.

I actually really enjoyed researching Maxx Crosby's podcast, though. The episode where he recapped this game was great, especially the part where he talked about how he studies Mahomes to figure out all the best ways to push his buttons during games. I have to respect the cheerful sadism of it all. Maxx is such a consummate Raider that it honestly would have been wrong if he had been drafted by any other team, much as it pains me.
mayhap: Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce at the Super Bowl LIV rally with the Lombardi (never forget your first)
I don't exclusively want to torment poor Patrick Mahomes in my fic. This time I wrote about nice things happening to him! Well, eventually.

Exposure (5440 words) by mayhap
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: National Football League RPF
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Travis Kelce/Patrick Mahomes
Characters: Travis Kelce, Patrick Mahomes
Additional Tags: Woke Up Married, Las Vegas Wedding, Anal Sex, Fluff, Outing, Crack Treated Seriously, Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Super Bowl LIV, Feelings
Summary:

In the middle of celebrating their Super Bowl LIV win, Travis Kelce wakes up married. To Patrick Mahomes. Oh yeah, and there are pictures plastered all over the internet. Fuck.



I've wanted to read this fic for four years now and I finally ended up writing it instead, whoops.
mayhap: Gorey pic with text Forbear to taste library paste (Forbear to taste Library Paste.)
God damn it, Rashee Rice, when you're already embroiled in legal problems relating with your your high speed luxury car crash where only by the purest luck was nobody killed, you can't be out here punching photographers in the club. You shouldn't even know that there are photographers you might want to punch in the club, because you should not be in the club. You're going to make Patrick Mahomes cry again.

hold on

Apr. 30th, 2024 08:45 pm
mayhap: Patrick Mahomes hanging onto Travis Kelce for mutual drunken support (friends in low places)
I don't pretend to know much about the guys who end up late round draft picks or UFDA signings, so I'm just going to assume that Brett Veach nailed them all until proven otherwise. His track record speaks for itself, aside from the 2018 draft, but we don't speak of that draft anymore. It was like the first pancake that you fuck up and then throw away.

I was quite surprised to see the news that Travis Kelce had signed a two-year contract extension, and then equally surprised in a different way to see the correction to the news that it wasn't an extension, it was a $4 million raise with new guarantees that bumps him back to the highest-paid tight end for the two years that he was already under contract for. Which, I mean, he deserves to be the highest-paid tight end—really, he belongs in a class by himself and other tight ends' salaries aren't even relevant—but they don't normally go around giving guys more money just because they happen to deserve it. Travis's stated positions that he never wants to play for any team other than the Chiefs and that he would play football for free don't exactly lend themselves to driving a hard bargain.

I suppose he could have threatened to retire, but it's hard to imagine $4 million swaying that decision much in either direction, and if it happened, nobody is talking about it. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.


Pat tweeted this in response and it's very cute but also, what do you mean, you told us? Nobody who's actually serious thought he was leaving in the next two years?? I mean, yes, I do believe Pat would prevent Travis from ever retiring if that were a physical possibility, but alas. At least he's feeling good about the next two years? 🤞
mayhap: Junie B. Jones peeks from behind composition book (Junie B.)
In the second round, the Chiefs selected Kinglsey Suamataia, a lineman with exciting potential who's played both left and right tackle and who can also do this:


It's a very impressive feat but it also makes me incredibly anxious to watch! Maybe they should specify in his contract that he be more careful around pools in the future for safety reasons.
mayhap: Patrick Mahomes celebrating (Patrick Mahomes)


I not-so-secretly believe that Pat does this on purpose at this point. I mean, he has to realize that as soon as he says anything, it becomes a whole thing and everyone goes in even harder. I'm forced to conclude that he enjoys being teased and creates this dynamic on purpose to elicit it.

Obviously we desperately need wide receivers, especially viable deep threats, and lots of people mocked Xavier Worthy to us, including Xavier Worthy himself, so this pick wasn't too surprising, especially considering what the board looked like by the time we picked. I was surprised that the Bills willingly traded with us to let us move up from 32 to 28—you'd think they'd refuse to lift a finger to help us get what we want considering what we've done to them in the past, partially with a pick that they traded us. Pat has already worked out with him this offseason and if he likes the pick that works for me.
mayhap: sheet music with text Anyone can take the harmony if they will only leave us the counterpoint (counterpoint)
I’m really enjoying this new NFL RPF fic! It’s so sweet and fun and more than a little saucy, and the Travis Kelce characterization is on point. Definitely going to subscribe to the author, someone named Taylor Swift? She really knows her stuff. Can’t wait to see what she writes next!
mayhap: Patrick Mahomes hanging onto Travis Kelce for mutual drunken support (friends in low places)
My boy Pat made Time's 100 Most Influential people list again this year, unsurprisingly. I mean, it's not like he's gotten less influential than he was last year, even if he is, improbably, no longer the most famous player on his team.

A-Rod got to write the tribute this year, which includes this gem:
I remember Pat as a young kid, coming to practice with his dad to tee up baseballs for me and my teammates. I distinctly remember giving him the worst advice ever. “Don’t play football. The money’s in baseball.” I’m happy to be wrong and glad he didn’t listen!
After all, is there anyone better to ignore career advice from than A-Rod? Pat definitely made the right choice, and not just because I'm biased.

The interview is also a good read. I particularly enjoyed this remark that he made about Taylor Swift:
“She’s never not working,” says Mahomes. “Even when she’s taking her downtime, she’s working on something. Shooting a music video or singing a song or writing a song. You can see it by how she talks. Even when she’s talking about football, when she’s learning it, you can see her business mind putting it together. It’s almost like she’s trying to become a coach. ‘Why can’t you try this, this, and this?’ She’s asking the right questions.”
He's legitimately pleased that a pop star who just started watching football is giving him football advice! He brought it up himself, as a compliment to her! That is beyond adorable.
mayhap: Patrick Stump with a tie in Gryffindor colors and a smug smile (Gryffindor smug)
Oh wow, when I hit post on that fic yesterday morning I was not expecting to hear the news later in the day that the Bills were trading Stefon Diggs to the Texans for a bag of chips. They're eating $31 million in dead cap just to have him gone and be done with it, which speaks to a relationship that had really irretrievably broken down. I kind of feel like I'm rubbing salt in Bills fans' wounds now. Which, to be fair, sounds like something I might have done on purpose if I had known, but in point of fact I did not.

I've loved watching Stefon Diggs since his Vikings days but I will admit that he seems like he can be A Lot. I'm not so much surprised that a team would want to trade him away as that they would do it when the terms are so unfavorable to them. Apparently, though, an actual point of contention between him and the team was that Stefon wouldn't defend the Bills when his little brother Trevon, who's an All-Pro cornerback for the Cowboys, would make taunting posts on social media. Would responding have actually made anything better? Don't any of these people have their own little brothers??

Edit: According to Chris Simms, Stefon Diggs was allowed to seek a trade to any team other than the Kansas City Chiefs. We are the bogeyman that haunts Buffalo's nightmares and I love it.
mayhap: Patrick Mahomes lying on the grass after winning Super Bowl 58 (winner)
I've never really been able to get into hockey because they won't put a team in my city, and I'm like, well, fuck you, too, buddy! We actually did have one, briefly, and they ended up moving it to New Jersey, which is almost as insulting as the time they took our basketball team and moved it to Sacramento, but I digress. I don't read a lot of hockey RPF because I don't follow the sport, but I was introduced to the trope of the winner's room, where a player from the winning team gets to fuck a player from the losing team after the game, and to me this is just the perfect plot device for putting some guys into situations that simply could not exist without institutionalized sex rituals.

The regular season Bills game against the Chiefs—the one that led to the infamous "Mahomes 'meltdown'"—was already top of mind as the draft approaches because the Chiefs need to keep improving the receiver room this offseason so things like that don't happen again, and Rashee Rice is not currently helping! The angst is delicious, though, and since we ended up winning the game that actually mattered against the Bills again this year, it was easier for me to enjoy wallowing in it. Which is what I ended up doing, virtually against my will, because I started writing this and then I couldn't stop writing this:

Acts of Service (3131 words) by mayhap
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: National Football League RPF
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Josh Allen/Patrick Mahomes, Travis Kelce & Patrick Mahomes
Characters: Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen (National Football League RPF), Travis Kelce
Additional Tags: Winner's Room, Dubious Consent, Under-negotiated Kink, Light Dom/sub, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Awkward Sexual Situations, Praise Kink, Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives
Summary:

Winner’s room AU, set after the December 10, 2023 Bills @ Chiefs game.

Pat knew he was starting to get a reputation for how he was when he was in the room, but he couldn’t help it. When he was the winner, he liked to show off, liked to get the other guy into it, like it was just another game for him to win at. When he was the loser, he found himself desperate to do something, anything right.

mayhap: Patrick Mahomes celebrating (Patrick Mahomes)
I’m going to have to recover from that game-watching experience. My goodness.
mayhap: Patrick Mahomes wrapping his arms around Travis Kelce (hold me back)
UNDERDOGS, SHMUNDERDOGS! LET’S DO THIS THING!
mayhap: Patrick Mahomes riding on Travis Kelce's back (piggyback)
Patrick Mahomes has still never not made it to the AFC Championship game as a starter, even though his five-year streak of hosting it has been snapped. His floor is an AFC Championship loss, and so far that has happened as many times has he has been named Super Bowl MVP (twice). It's really quite astonishing and ought to be properly appreciated, no matter what else happens this postseason.

In the afternoon game, two castoff number one overall draft picks faced off against each other with their new teams and Jared Goff and the Lions duly defeated Baker Mayfield and the Buccaneers 31-23, although it was close right up until the end and managed to adequately distract me while I was waiting for my game to start. With the 49ers looking a bit mortal in their last game, it's not at all out of the question that the Lions could make it to the Super Bowl, strange as that is to say.

At last, it was time for the feature presentation. There exists a rivalry between the Chiefs and the Bills, although it's arguably just a subset of the rivalry between the Bills and postseason success. The Chiefs crushed the Bills in the 2021 AFC Championship. Then the Bills won the regular season matchup in 2022 and their fans seemed to feel like their team had really accomplished something for some reason, only to find themselves playing the Chiefs again in the divisional round. A truly epic game ensued, with 25 points scored and four lead changes after the two-minute warning alone. When Josh Allen threw a touchdown with thirteen seconds left on the clock, people joked that he'd left Patrick Mahomes too much time to score…and they were correct. Thanks in no small part to Mahomes audibling to a play that Kelce suggested, the Chiefs kicked a game-tying field goal in those unlucky thirteen seconds and won in overtime.

But this time it was definitely supposed to be different. After all, the Bills had home field advantage. Their fans were burning Taylor Swift in effigy in the parking lot and throwing snowballs at players on the field with impunity. Surely the third time would be the charm.

The game reminded me of the thirteen seconds game, and not just because Tony Romo and Jim Nantz were bringing it up constantly. Tony Romo, in particular, is really starting to get on my nerves when he calls Chiefs-Bills games, because he's been hyping up Josh Allen for years now and he really wants his guy to finally live up to his hype and it's increasingly irritating when his commentary starts to feel slanted towards the outcome that he so clearly desires (and it's for my team to lose). I believe at one point during this game he said that “they” call Josh “the Alien” and “Mr. January,” when in fact those are both nicknames that he made up and that nobody else uses. “Mr. January,“ in particular, attracted a lot of scorn, since the Super Bowl is now played in February and he was basically saying that his guy can get to the playoffs but never play in the big game. Which, I mean, thus far that's been true, but it doesn't seem to have been what he meant. At any rate, this game was a real back-and-forth nail biter with lead changes galore, so it did indeed hearken back to the thirteen seconds game.

Fortunately to alleviate some of the tension we got periodic peeks at Jason Kelce living it up in the box with the rest of Travis's posse. Whether this is retirement or just the offseason for him, he is definitely living his best, most shirtless life. He even broke containment to hoist up a little girl with an “I ❤️ Taylor Swift” sign so she could say hi. [EDIT: That little girl shared her story, awwwww!] Travis accounted for two of the touchdowns in the game, so his friends and family had plenty to cheer for up there. I'm glad we've been able to show Taylor a good time with postseason football so far; it would be sad if we could only offer her a loss in the divisional round.

The last two minutes of this game were relatively dramatic, although nowhere near as action-packed as the thirteen seconds game, which is an outlier and should not have been counted. This time the Bills were the ones who needed a field goal to tie the game, and they missed it—wide right, naturally. Then the Chiefs just needed to pick up a single first down to be able to kneel it out, which they did, and that was the game.

It's extremely fun to watch your team just repeatedly rip another team's soul out like that. Mahomes says that he likes to be the villain in away games, and his teammates all confirmed that he was excited for it. Just look at this adorable little villain! We're only three and a half point underdogs against the Ravens next week, so who knows, maybe we'll fuck around and win another away playoff game and go to another Super Bowl in a ‘down year.’

Won Seeds

Jan. 20th, 2024 10:55 pm
mayhap: flying raven with text argent, raven volant (raven volant)
Texans-Ravens went and got my hopes up that the Chiefs might get to host another AFC Championship game after all when they were tied 10-10 at the half, but after that, it was all, quoth the Ravens, “Now we score.” End result: 34-10 blowout.

Packers-49ers had me seriously worried that I was going to have to see their dumb cheeseheads in the NFC Championship game right up until the very end, when Jordan Love threw a silly pick and spared us all that indignity. End result: 24-21 nailbiter.

Two down, two to go.

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