don't poke the crazy

[mayhap]

2745 / 50000 words. 5% done!

As you can see, I have some catching up to do. I had planned to spend the evening isolated at the local tea shop for this purpose, but then my parents and poodle decided to tag along, so we're sitting outside enjoying the unseasonably warm weather.

Next thing I know, my mother has a crazy woman recounting her life story, which mostly involves her various possessions, such as a $2,500 laptop, a $9,000 pair of miniature rottweilers (acquired in 'central Berlin, Germany'), and a diamond-studded skull and crossbones ring, being stolen from her by various persons such as her neighbor, houseguest and Zales jewelry store. She seems to have settled in with a large cup of some kind of yellow liquid and a cigarette and doesn't seem inclined to go anywhere.

I, um, guess this could be some kind of inspiration?

She's now claiming that her Maine coon cat (which, according to her, was invented in the 11th century by a man named Coon) can herd 7,500 sheep in an hour.