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mayhapThis was lots of fun the last time that I did it, so I present you with a second edition:
Misapprehension the First:
The library recently rearranged its collection specifically to annoy you. Actually, we moved the section you are looking for all the way to the other side of the building, in order that you might be as inconvenienced as possible. And the actual items you desire? We keep those in a box in the page room, and we only show them to the cool people and you, I hardly need mention, are not one of the cool people. It goes without saying, of course, that I myself am the evil mastermind behind this scheme.
Misapprehension the Second:
If you spend enough hours at the library surfing dating sites, eventually you too will find your true love, just like all those people on the commercials.
Misapprehension the Third:
The library would be delighted to take this opportunity to purchase several hundred copies of your POD vanity press masterpiece.
Mayhap Corrects Even More Misapprehensions of Her Patrons
Misapprehension the First:
The library recently rearranged its collection specifically to annoy you. Actually, we moved the section you are looking for all the way to the other side of the building, in order that you might be as inconvenienced as possible. And the actual items you desire? We keep those in a box in the page room, and we only show them to the cool people and you, I hardly need mention, are not one of the cool people. It goes without saying, of course, that I myself am the evil mastermind behind this scheme.
In fact:
First, we were informed by Headquarters that we would be rearranging our collection. Then we were told where we were going to be putting everything. Then we actually moved everything. Now, we are all being paid various amounts of money, all of them less than ten dollars an hour, to direct you to the new location of the items you desire, and in turn be informed that we are the spawn of Satan. Who, precisely, is the one being inconvenienced here?
Misapprehension the Second:
If you spend enough hours at the library surfing dating sites, eventually you too will find your true love, just like all those people on the commercials.
In fact:
This is unlikely. It is particularly unlikely if you fill out your profile in a truthful manner, in which case it will read: "I am at least 60 years old, although it is difficult to pinpoint my age with my peculiarly undead-looking skin. I dye all seven strands of my hair black and then plaster them across my skull, and wear the same translucent blue plaid shirt everywhere I go. My hobbies including staying at the library every night until they close, never at any point checking out a single book, and bitching at innocent library employees every day when the library closes and they seem to think that I ought to leave or something."
Misapprehension the Third:
The library would be delighted to take this opportunity to purchase several hundred copies of your POD vanity press masterpiece.
In fact:
We would be happy to shelve these books appropriately, but we regret that your ass does not have a dewey decimal number.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-06 09:45 pm (UTC)Rearrangement: The juvenile fiction is now where the magazines were. The magazines are where the juvenile fiction was. The picture books are where the videos, DVDs and new books used to be. The new books are against the wall in the hallway that leads into the back. The videos and DVDs are against the wall in the way back, where the paperbacks used to be. The paperbacks are on another wall, by the new location of the magazines, where there didn't used to be anything at all. There is a large paper dragon and nothing else where the juvenile easy books used to be, so they can do programming there without displacing anyone.
no subject
Date: 2005-06-06 10:43 pm (UTC)At least I guess with regards to the programs they do. And it's not like the library is quiet or anything.